It's rough trying to be yourself, because finding out who that is may be nearly impossible, but I'm starting to get a grasp on things.
Even worse than the words of others are the words you can inflict upon yourself. I've convinced myself of how freakish and worthless I was, even to the point of thinking of just..giving up on life completely. I'm done with that. I've been done with it for a while now and I can accept the fact that the way I am isn't changing any time soon. I've wanted to do something like this for a long time now, but I've been too scared to. I think it's about time I just went ahead and tried it. It's hard to hit that submit button...but I will, and as you read this, you know I have.
There are people I know in real life who will see this. There are people in my family who probably will too, and I'm scared to death of finding out what happens from there. My worst fear is to be cast aside by a sister I love dearly. I've done it before and it was terrible, I don't want to go back to it. ha.....I never would have thought that the first sibling who threw me aside would be the most accepting of the two now. I can't thank her enough for all the acceptance she's given me....
In fact I can't thank anyone enough, but here it is:
Thank you all so much for helping me get to where I am now. Thank you for helping me feel like this was okay, that I was okay...that I am okay.
Everything will be fine, and I have faith that no matter what happens it'll all work out.
To everyone hurting...whether in their own way or in a way I've hurt before, I may not know you, but I do love you, I'm proud of you for holding on, for keeping going, for trying despite what others say. For knowing deep down that there is better than this and that you can get there. You are a beautiful person and I give you my love because of that.
You can do this.
My name is Eli and I am a person who loves. No matter what else people may say, that is always what will be there.